soldiering on

mushi mushi. been a while since i let you all in on the 411 so here goes;

worked like a motherfucker last week & it was tres unpleasant. but that being said i think i've grown accustomed to the whole money-making thing. stayed home today because of my blocked nose & aching body aka the flu, & it sucked not doing anything. a fat paycheck of $450 today won't be matched next week because i took today off & that sorta makes me sad. so today i realised that as much as i loathe work i'm not sure that there would be any other way i'd want to spend my spare time.

but the big weekend was so worth the way i'm feeling now. started on friday, went shopping with stephanie then chilled with her, cassie & kash that night - had dinner & blabla. drove around a bit enjoyed ice cream <3

satday was gerald's big 21st, enjoyable night don't remember much but that's a sure sign that it was a good party :)

monday was yesterday. i worked in the morning that's when i realised i was jacked. too sick to do much so i just stayed in the back room & packed some nursing home medications. knocked off at 1 thank goodness but then rushed to the dentist to get my last wisdom tooth out. what a nightmare! he pulled the crown out after 3 needles but the root broke off while he was yanking away. after much hacking at my gums, drilling of my bone & another needle due to the anaestetic wearing off, they took an xray & decided to leave the root in there as it was too small to worry about removing. wish they had taken that xray beforehand woulda saved a lot of time & freaking out. but anyways it's allgood now, walked out with a swollen gum & a stitch but other than that i'm all gravy. besides the fact that i'm sick.

mark bought us oz lotto tickets today hopefully we'll wake up as millionaires tomorrow! first thing i'm doing is quitting my job haha. one can only dream.

currently reading "Twilight" atm. Stephenie Meyer is great at thinking up stories but she's not so great at telling/writing them. the plot makes up for her lack of colour in her words though :)

last but not least, RIP to the king of pop Michael Jackson. i couldn't believe it when i heard it & it's still a shock. it's sad that it's taken his death for the world to appreciate his music, whereas last week if you had mentioned the name Michael Jackson no doubt there'd be some mention of pedophilia or jacked noses. but regardless of the controversy which i'm sure still hinders on today, he was a great musician who will be very much missed.

that's all i've got for now. have a good week darlings xo

confession;

ugly flaw #1 -

when things don't go my way i hissy fit until they do. & if they don't then i'll hold it against that person for as long as i can before i'm made to let go. people tell me that i need to take it easy & i know this as well but i get so upset when i'm in the moment & it's so hard to get out of. then i find myself picking stupid fights over nothing just because i don't get my way. like the fact that he doesn't have time to see me tonight, or that they'll be late because of traffic, or whatever. i'll get so mad & frustrated & turn into a major bitch & rageragerage! then an hour or so later i'm in this huge mess just because of my little princess attitude that could have easily been avoided if i had just taken it on the chin & not made such a big deal about things.

goodness me.

anyways just thought that i'd let you all know that i can over react, so don't take it too personally. haha, enjoy your weekend lovelies! xo

go go gadget flow

mushi mushi. haven't written in a while it's been quite a busybusy week, started as soon as exams finished NOT that exams weren't busy already! my last one left me feeling very feelgood about things because i was very well prepared for it unlike the other two. anyways i got my hairdid, it's blackblack now & i have my fringe back. not sure if i like the colour it looks too GOTH it's so dark. makes me look pasty!

anyways last weds. most of the girls met up for dinner, it was good to catch up. hadn't seen emmalie especially in agess plus the pasta at pizza hut was yum as :)

thursday night stayed at marks blablabla didn't do much just we watched the footy show & the chipmunks... SO CUTE! theodore <3 lol. friday morning i was so over it, same old shit we fought about trivial things that none of us could really get past, this time we nearly broke up........... but it's allgood now, or at least getting there :) saw 'the hangover' with him last night in la premiere, him & his extravagence lol. anyways it's a funny movie but 'i love you man' is heaps better.

on my lunch break atm. working a hella heap this week, only got friday & sunday off that's no way to enjoy your uni holidays after slaving at the books for 12 weeks! but it'll all be worth it i guess $$$ yessir. plus it's not that bad today it's not too slow but not heaps busy either. just right :) PLUS i got to start at 10, my boss let me have a little sleep in & is also giving me a little early mark, finishing at 5 :)

ohoh & went out with the cousins + cassie & steph on friday night haha talk about blaming things on the alcohol! they all got waaasted because of alberto behind the bar. they kicked on after but i came home because i wasn't in the right state of mind, didn't wanna ruin their night plus i had work the next day. they all seemed to have fun though & i did too :) this weekend will be funfun, got a few 21sts yayy. will get to see people that i haven't seen in ages *ahem* lol.

anywayss i have half an hour left of my break i'm going to do something productive like play bejeweled blitz LOL.

love xo

glycolysis = glucose --> pyruvate

this time tomorrow i'll be freeee! but probably dreading the 8.30am start for work the next day.

going to get my hairdid tomorrow, to the annoyance of kathleen, it took me all afternoon + lots of double-mindedness but i think i've decided to go back to nearly black & i'm gonna try to grow out my layers to a certain extent as well. my hair looks too fluffy atm lol. plus redo my fringe :) thanks kathleen for sitting through my, "should i..." & "i don't know if i should..." LOL

looking forward to dinner with the girls, pizza hutt yumyum! i'm gonna starve myself for the whole day, dying for some of their pasta mm <3

eep i have the gayest work roster for the holidays, i only get 2 full days off how lame, i know i'm gonna absolutely hate it. but oh well what can you do i need the $$, my mum keeps putting me on blast for using the credit card too much oops.

ok going to cram a bit more of the glycolytic pathway into my brain now :) payce

yo.

2nd exam today - now at the halfway mark :) except wednesday's exam is easy peasy because it's on pracs that i aced & the lecturer has practically told us what the questions are going to be soo it should be AG lol. (allgood)

can't wait until wednesday afternoon i'll be freee! for a month at least. will be chilling with my homegirls cassandra & kathleen, steph & celica & anybody else reading this who are worthy of our presence, come along! unsure what we're doing yet but we'll try to accomodate for everyone's needs :) nothing big just a major catch up / chillmatic session.

i'm going to make it my goal to try & make sure that my mama/grandmother is less lonely. i was freaking out about my exam today & was real snappy at her & i've felt bad for it all day. so yes, i think i might dedicate sunday afternoons (at least every second one) to her, or something.

not much else to say atm, things are going pretty sweet :) fingers crossed that i'll pass all my subjects this semester... good luck to all who are still sitting finals & congrats to those who have finished!

next weekend will be a big one, so keep it free girlies :)

xo

i <3 my dad.

in passing;

d: are you still with mark?
l: yes.
d: awkward silence
d: don't lose your dignity.
l: awkward silence
d: dont go chasing after boys. it's meant to be a two way street. remember that
l: awkward silence
l: yep.

uhh, thanks dad :) i'd honestly nearly forgotten.

wishlist.

1. plane ticket to anywhere but here!

peanut butter cups <3

are you living, or are you existing?

for now, i think i'm just watching. :)

-----------------------------------------

i'm munching on a hot fudge chocolate sundae pop tart atm <3

didn't study at all today - just worked in the morning (so cold!) then f.ed around as per usual after my shift. interesting feature of the day: today i was trained in 'pet vitamins' so cute, they have like medicine but for pets, & even 'pawfume' ie. perfume for animals. celica i think your cat would love it!

my tooth is still saw or at least the gum around it, hope that it's not infected...

my beloved cousin who gets me through all my troubles called me up all upset yesterday but when i told her that i'd leave the library to go see her she insisted that i stay & concentrate on my studies argh i hate that. like hello i'm not able to study if i know youre upset. i'm not sure what's wrong she won't answer my calls but i have a feeling it's to do with a certain baby being born...

not like i was studying last night anyways, seeing as i had already talked myself out of it in hopes to see g, i wasn't in the mood to get back into it. ended up finally seeing wolverine with mark thank goodness it's still showing in chatswood mandarin centre :) top movie i'd give it about 7/10. other than that & studying with cassie & steph, i haven't had much of a social life lately :( & i miss it. can't wait till exams are over, duh. that seems like all i've been saying atm i think i should concentrate on actually getting them done instead of wasting all my time daydreaming about when theyll be over. tomorrow the urgency will set in & i'll start to freak out & study like a maniac. i only need 20/50 in the final exam to pass the course so i'm not too fussed but i still gotta get my average up seeing as it's like 30% atm, stupid chemistry.

my brother dropped engineering to major in math, talk about being an asian nerd. lol gotta love him though...

anyways here's a nice note to end on: after uni i'm going to start walking every day. :) skinnier & fitter lynette here i come!

adios lovers xo

ni ho ma.

woke up this morning in need of some clarity & so me being me, i made sure i got it. & though i was the one who initiated things, i'm glad i did because now i can breathe easy knowing that even though it's still a little bit fucked up, it's not over just yet.

didn't do much this weekend as i had a tooth out on friday so i was just hiding from the public pretty much all weekend, it's still swollen but i don't care anymore. was going nuts being stuck inside all day with nothing to do, luckily my girl kathleen stepped up & gave me a bit of her time ;) then chilled with my cousins, well mostly G, for the rest of the weekend. watched twilight, what a weird movie. but i love the way that he loves her, it's so sweet.

anyways happy 52nd to my daddy ! <3 didn't get him anything except a cheap card with a sentimental message written inside, but my dad being him - all he wanted was a family portrait to put up in place of the ones already hanging, which are probably more than 10 years old by now. so here's to a dedication to my father: he always puts the family, esp. my brother & i first (mostly me because im his favourite - my brother is my mum's favourite so it evens out). he'll have our safety & development as his #1 priority, but even so he'll go to the ends of the earth just so that we can sorta feel normal & not miss out on too much. like he'll forbid us to get the train to the west but he'll spend his own time driving us there instead. & though frustrating at times, i know he has our best interests at heart always <3 & for that i'll always love him ever so dearly :)

in other news stephanie is coming over tonight for some light night studying, didn't get much done today except finished up my prac book, which i wasn't able to do last week seeing as i missed the last lab due to illness (i'm not lying this time). i have a few lectures to listen to & whatnot, but im glad i only have 2 more subjects to worry about, seeing as i got the other 2 out of the way by handing in those essays. i have a feeling i'll actually pass everything this semester, which will only be the second time out of my two & a half years (ie. 5 semesters) of uni.

so don't worry celica i've only passed 13 out of 17 subjects at uni (OMG!). youre not alone, don't give up !

good luck to all with their exams & whatnot, definately catch up once theyre over! which is SOON! i can nearly smell the freedom :)

parklife 2009

the cool kids & a trak!
+ crystal castles
metric (remember that song monster hospital? "i fought the war... i fought the war but the war won")
busy p... aka the better half of JUSTICE

etc
etc
etc

yes i am tres excited, and on a bit of a high from all these concepts that i'm trying to get my head around for the essay thats due in 15 hours.

woohoo baby!! xo

mikey rocks.

ok kids so i've been blasting this place with some negativity lately so here's to put a little fresh spin on things,

the other day was my lucky day. firstly, got the questions to a quiz 4 hours before i sat it. infact, everybody in the course did but the ones i talked to were all too pussy shit to look at them, pssht. if youre not smart at least have some balls, i say. then i got change of $20 for my $10.80 meal, for which i only handed over $10 for. then to top it off: free facebook on my phone for three months. as a certain individual would say, niiiiice!

& seems like my luck hasn't run out completely either, because that said certain individual just told me that he would come & see me tomorrow if he's not working. i'll be one wisdom tooth less, guess he wants to do the whole sweet bf thing & come bring me soup LOL. canned soup no doubt but allgood. doesn't sound like a big deal but trust me it is. wouldn't count on it though, but he knows how to get me smiling for the moment at least.

got the whole week off work thanks to public holiday & wisdom teeth surgery, woop! but you know what that means. minimum cash spend. dont need cash anyway just need to study atm.

just woke up to three missed calls from three different people - is something on tonight? too scared to call back i dont like rejecting people but i gotta stay on lockdown tonight & write an essay due in tomorrow.

& so that's all i gotta say atm. if youre looking to put yourself in a feelgood attitude, get some of the cool kids' new tracks. i reconmend 'jump rope' & 'the last stretch'.

xo

expectations.

- they'll be the death of me. the ones that i impose on others, and the ones that are put on me. organising things, it gets a bit annoying when youre asked on tuesday afternoon what your plans are for the weekend. or how about this: if you want to catch up in a group then organise it, don't wait for or ask or expect someone else to do it. i don't like being rushed, nor comitting to something that i probably won't be able to deliver. i'm taking each day as it comes. exams that i have to study for, parties that i have to miss. no special occasion so why should i be there? because i owe it to you? oh so i owe my presence to you, i'm sorry but i was under the impression that it was MY presence, not yours. i can do what i want with it. it's not like in this day & age of a recession comparible to the great depression that we have money that we're able to just throw around on alcohol, drugs, cover charges, cab fares, extravagent dinners, or new clothes. but most importantly, time. it's against me, & i'm sure many others, at the moment. the essay that i have to hand in, the workbook that i have to put together. the exams i have to study for. doing all this plus balancing a social life, a boyfriend who lives 40minutes away, working for financial independance, family commitments, etc etc et fucking cetera. it's all too much, really. & i can't handle it. & i want it to stop. i want to do the best at uni. i want to be able to make my friends happy. i want to be able to show my appreciation for my family. & i want to have money that i can spend on leisure. but it's all a big fat contradiction sometimes, isn't it? the people with enough money to enjoy themselves are usually the ones without the time to do so. and vice versa. so at the end of the day you make priorities. and with a strong heart & my head held high, i'll stick to mine.

le sigh...

things that would make me feel better:

+ essays written

+ soca workbook up to date & ready to be handed in

+ studying accomplished

+ bigger bank account

+ less weight on my hips & thighs

+ him not being so frustrated at me & vice versa

but on a nicer level, something that made me smile; yesterday i was running my mouth factually about my fat ass, like hello i know that my ass is huge. but then marks like are you serious you don't have a big bum there's like hardly anything there. i wasnt even expecting a compliment. & he noticed that i'd done my eyebrows :) haha if only it was that simple all of the time, with everything.