lost & found.

today, on the morning of my exam, i decided to check my student email, which i don't usually do. lucky i did, because there was an email from the faculties management @ my uni saying that my wallet had been handed in to lost property! at first i thought it was just junk mail, but then i checked my bag and my wallet wasn't in it! i was dumbfounded, i still don't know where i would have dropped it.

this would have caused so much dramas had i rocked up to my exam and realised that i didn't have my wallet, because my student card is in there and i need that to sit my exam.

so thank God that it was handed in, thank God that i decided to check my email this morning, and thank God that everything was still in there... which included both my credit cards and $60 cash. i honestly would have expected them to take the cash, hell i know i would have.

so there you have it guys, good people do exist, and good things do happen, even to people who don't really deserve it.

hope you're all well <3 xx

wassup wassuuup.

currently on a 2 week break, hoping to get some study in. weekend was a disaster i was in no mood to study & no matter how hard i tried nothing was going into my head. so i just pretty much spent it with the fam + bf. getting sick of each other though so i think i should give him a bit of time to himself. one thing you gotta love about the fam is that theyll never get bored of you & if they do well who cares!

just spent the last hour applying for jobs @ DJ & myer, fingers crossed!! it'll be hard juggling two jobs but i don't wanna get rid of the pharmacy job just yet. even though i hate it so much it's better than nothing & not to mention extremely convenient with it being only a 3 minute walk away. that being said, i absolutely cannot rely on it being my only source of income over the holiday period as i have bills to pay & cars/holidays/festivals to save up for. $400/wk (if that) just will not cut it.

on a happier note, i am absolutely jumping out of my pants in anticipation for the girls' getaway to melbourne!! i cannot WAIT! so many things to see, so many clubs to check out, so many shops to buy out! the only obstacle is picking accomodation out of our many options. shouldn't be too much of a hassle :) then after that it's GOODVIBES'10!! with the killers, GCH, salt n pepper, busta rhymes, naughty by nature, etc etc etc, it's one of the best line ups i've seen in my festival-attending lifetime! for once i know more artists listed than i don't. even the BF has reluctantly asked me to get him a ticket :) weighing up all the $$ he spends on me for food & necessities i'm sure i can spare a couple of hundred for him to have a good time. i know he won't enjoy it if he has it in his mind that his ticket came out of his own pocket.

i took my mama to visit one of our neighbours the other day & sat in their living room for an hour talking in old people language. so funny because my grandma talks chinese to everyone who looks asian, even though this lady is japanese!! so cute though <3

back to study now. wish me luckkk!! love you all. xx

dedication

i love my mama.

i am so jealous

of people who work fulltime atm. those who have money to spend (mostly) at their leisure!! not having to study until early hours in the morning. for them its just ALL IN A DAYS WORK. well for us uni students it's not ALL IN A DAYS STUDY. it's ALL IN A SEMESTER'S STUDY. you cant just have a shit day at uni then rock up the next day without feeling the repercussions. you can't miss a day of uni and then go back the next day asif you never missed anything. uni is shit. i hate it. ive been doing this all my life, since i was 4 years old. i'm 21 next month. THAT'S 17 YEARS!! 17/21 = more than 80% of my life. studying. i am so sick of studying i just want it to be over with. NOW! NOWNOWNOWNOWNOW.

ugh.

major blows.

+ skipped chemistry lab this week because i had no effing idea what the hell i was meant to be doing. i read the prelab & was like, the heckkk? usually i can go in there & just scrape through on the little knowledge/improvisions that i manage. but this time i was like theres no way i'ma make it out alive. so i didn't go. still feel bad, because i know that i coulda learnt something, & saved my truancy for something more worthwhile but at the end of the day my pride got in the way. oh well whatever, what's done is done

+ found out that the money that i sent to 'samantha' for parklife tickets was a scam!! that means no more parklife tickets for kathleen :( i was so excited for her to come. luckily got the cash back, i should be counting my lucky stars for that!! otherwise i'd have been $600 poorer with nothing to show. i fckn wna stab the stupid internet scammers who take people's money. i just kept emailing them & emailing them saying YOURE GOING TO HELL & YOURE A CHEAT etc. but whatever. they didn't take our money that's the main thing.

+ speaking of money, i'm so strapped for it atm. celica, youre not the only one. i dont know what i blow it on!! actually yes i do, FOOD! i reallyyy need to stop eating out & buying things just for the sake of looking busy. eep.

+ hit the euro TWICE yesterday. both times while backing into my driveway. first i hit the left side on the pillar next to my driveway which cracked the back of the car & left really ugly scapes. secondly i smashed into the stupid trailer that the neighbours have put next to our lawn & broke the back right breaklight. so fucking devastated. i'm really starting to feel the repercusions of being careless. i mean its so easy to just create scenarios where your money goes down the drain just because of stupidity.

+ speaking of wasting money on carelessness..... i got another $84 parking ticket. fuck my life. seriously. I AM SO STRAPPED FOR MONEY I HAVE TO PAY MY PHONE BILL THIS MONTH + MY CREDIT CARDSS!!! fuck you fuck you fuck you currency & whoever created this materialistic world.

+ that being said, i'm glad that i learnt all of this now & not when i'm 25 and looking for my own pad to stay at. i've drawn myself up a little budget plan where half of my savings goes into my 'first home buyers' account & the other goes into my 'saving for a car' account. fingers crossed it works out.

+ i miss mark. i get to see him tomorrow.

+ i really want a female fighter fish, or two. because jubjub is so lonely in the tank! none of the other fish play with him, either theyre too scared to go near him or they're bullying him!! but jubjub always hides so i have a feeling that the others are ganging up on him stupid fish.

that's all for now. fingers crossed that next week is a better week. :)

empire state of mind.

up at 1.45am because i had an essay due today that i'm only halfway through! luckily for me & thanks to my inherited bullshitting abilities i managed to talk my way into a 3 day extension :) which gives me the weekend to perfect this ish. week has been so stressful what with this essay on the to-do list as well as an exam today that i unfortunately couldn't postpone. it went ok, pretty sure i passed but probably JUST. hopefully i'll get this essay done tonight so that i can enjoy the rest of my weekend in peace :) its not fun being in on a friday night. meant to see mark tomorrow yay, haven't seen him all week. mum's going away to nz for the week i know right, hasn't she had enough of going overseas. but she's going to take care of my grandma who just got out of hospital, she seems to be ok though my mum was double-thinking whether to go but better safe than sorry huh. my parents said that they'd get me a car for me to pay off YAY! i'm looking at either a holden astra or toyota corolla, even though my dream car would be a BMW 120i so hottt! but wayyy out of my price range haha. my dad wants me to get a suzuki swift or honda jazz mmm no thanks.. anyways that's about it atm. haven't had much of a life atm. dreading work @ 8.30am tomorrow ew! but at least it's only for 4hrs then i'm freeee.

xx

ps. LIL MAMA IS AN IDIOT. the poor girl.

21

lynette hui
me
third year student
only passed 17 out of 21 subjects
still doing first year subjects
philosophy major
who can't even spell nietzsche without looking at my reader
i don't even know the difference between hume & kant
pharmacology student
who fluked my way through chemistry & physiology
scraping past with low 50s
living at home
driving my parents' car
spending my parents' money
letting my parents control my life

sick of it.
at times i can understand why i still let my parents take over because if it was up to me, i'd be out every night, never at home & spending like there's no tomorrow. a bum with no direction.
but at the same time i feel like i'm not able to grow with them constantly in my face telling me what to do. i understand that they want the best for me yaddayaddayadda but i mean how am i meant to learn without room to make mistakes...
i honestly think that they're way overdue to just let me go.
i want to do things my way
i want my own rules
i want to be able to think for myself
i want to become an adult :(

to do list

+ study for phph midsem: 70% complete
+ write philosophy essay: 0/3000 words
+ starve myself & over exercise for parklife/summer: 0% complete
+ savesavesave for a new car: 0.3/15K saved
+ convince mark to get me a tiffany&co necklace: status unknown

i also need a new wardrobe, new makeup, to spend some time at the t.salon, take yoga classes...

oh to be carefree again lol.
x

confession.

warning: rated b - extreme boy talk.

i was a shit girlfriend this week.

firstly he's been all excited with his new fishtank(s) and all i've been doing is nagging him about when we can go fish shopping. not even worrying about the nitty gritty stuff like specialised filters and in-system heating. all i wanna do is bangbangbang go get some fish now now now.

then how about arranging to go over to his house at 3pm so that we could meet celica after work at 5 but then skipping uni instead & not even letting him know that i'd be late. then giving him attitude on the phone because he didn't understand what was going on.

on top of that i was being a madd bitch to him about wanting to watch the football. like i mean so what if it's nearing finals season & it's the closest & most exciting top 8 competition we've seen in almost a decade? hellooo me time please! then i expect him to sit through all my girlie shows like sex in the city and america's next top model.

then how about making him drive all the way to homebush just for ribs & rumps then finding parking after 5 rounds of the block only to be turned away because they were too full. sooo then after waiting at kathleen & bryan's for nearly an hour we get to the north ryde one at 9pm. then letting him pay the $150 bill.

there are like a million other things that i did wrong. but he hardly complained once. i was spoon fed. and i dont like it. i dont understand how some girls can just let their boyfriends do everything for them. if you really like someone, you should enjoy giving nearly as much as you enjoy receiving. and get those dirty thoughts out of your head because it goes beyond sexual favours LOL.

in my arms baby yeah

mushi mushayy. konichiwa. ni hooeeeee. how hot was it yesterday & the day before ooft! hardout beach weather, too bad most of us had other plans. dont'ya just miss them days when you could drop everything & run to the beach & spend the whole day soaking up the sun. now'days there's work, uni, moving out (hi kash), etc etc to think about.

anyways enough reminiscing, i'm sure there'll be plenty of time to chillax on the sand come summer (hurry up!). this weekend was a little more special than others... was mark & i's 6 months :) was sweet of him to celebrate it seeing as he doesn't really do anniversaries. spent some time @ luna park, came back with literally a carfull of presents. if i was celica or kash i'd have mostdef taken a pic of all them plushies but me being me i'll just boringly list them... we got 2 massive dogs, 2 medium sized ones, 2 little kangaroos, 2 massive die & one little scruffy lookin puppy dog :) my favourite. he's the only one that i won so he gets special treatment haha. i have nowhere to put all these toys but at the same time i don't wanna give them away! i left the 2 big dogs downstairs for my grandmother though but when she woke up in the middle of the night to go bathroom she nearly had a heart attack she thought that someone was sitting on her couch OOPS! haha anyways amongst all that money spending i also received a necklace & a little stuffed penguin (personal joke). & in return he got them air maxes that he's been whinging for so sallgood :) fit him nicely & theyre a nice change from them stupid Tns.

besides that... worked on satday what's new then just chilled with steph after her work, waited for G to finish then headed to steph's & just chilled blabla. got some major gossip sessions in ;) sunday went to church took my grandma out for lunch & shopping then met up with mark @ kafleen's new place in the late afternoon. very nice place i'm tres jealous :) nice location & setup though a few things are abit what thaa like the random balcony/block of concrete outside her & bryans room but im sure we'll find many things to put it to good use ;) all in all nice pick! can't wait to trash it haha housewarming woooo. ok jokes.

in other news, my parents go away in about 2 weeks woohoo! however, between now & that time i have an essay due + a physiology quiz to cram for. yucky. but lucky i don't have anything due for chemistry although i still haven't handed in my report which was due on friday oops. i had had it done by tuesday it just totally slipped my mind & havent had the chance to so now i'm going to cop a fat late penalty eep. oh well all is good.

:)

UNTIL NEXT TIME
take curr homies xo

pump pump up the volume

bummer. wanted to get the boizo some kicks for our 6 months in an attempt to upgrade his steez & whatnot, but today checked 3 footlockers & theyve all sold out of the pair that he's had his eye on. now i have no idea what to get him, plus i already told him that i got him something so i'ma have to find em somehow! anyways whatever not a big deal, like me paying his $81 fine isn't enough, yerh he reckons he's gna pay me back but whatever bet he'll just expect me to use it for gold class tickets or something. whatever i don't care money ain't a thaang lol.

besides that had quite an uneventful weekend though i am very much liking the amount of dollars in my account atm, safe & untouched :) tryna save for a car but my parents just informed me the other day that they're gonna insure me on the euro, yayerr!! but idk, id still like something to call my very own, had a bit of a falling out with my mum yesterday morning. but it ended in tears & sorrys & i love yous, she just has to realise that the time to let go is drawing close.

speaking of family, chilled w/ g & stephanie on satday... not too good on the homefront with genevier but i'll take her silence as a sign that it's all going good & getting patched up.

yerh whatever. got 2 labs tomorrow definately not looking forward to that shit but better get prepared nevertheless.

payce x

its allgood baby baybayy.

wassuppp.

had the most boringest weekend just past, highlight of it definately being celica & i's little non-adventure to eastgardens for a feed then driving around the city only to turn around due to lack of parking. was fun to catch up & just chillax, laze around & do nothing, together. haha :)

friday & sunday night however i was slaving away in marks kitchen, well not really just watching him cook. my skills were put to the test however on monday night when i cooked for my mummayy, josh....... & mark, who had run out of excuses to weasel his way out of meeting my mum & so finally had to succumb to the challenge :) mwahaha. it went as i expected - awkward but bearable. haven't talked to my mother about mark, don't really have to because i know that if she had something to say then she'd have already said it by now so allgood :)

uni is so boring, today i spent 2.5 hours measuring body temperature yayy. fucked around with chemicals for the rest of the afternoon in chemistry lab, it'll be a miracle if i pass ya'heardd. but i'm known for fluking things so fingers crossed i'll scrape through. don't wanna be doing a first year course in my fourth year of uni that's just straight up shame.

anyways yessir that's all i've gotta bitch & complain about this time 'round. on a more positive note -

looking forward to giggling & yapping with the girls over waffles drizzled in chocolate tomorrow, i can sense a wednesday afternoon ritual coming about :)

& lastly, i'm double looking forward to my parents going away to fiji for 10 days at the end of the month / early sept ! gonna be a hectic 10 days to just kick back & not have to answer to anyonee.

anyways, time for some rest now. i wanna wake up early tomorrow to cook myself a nice hearty breakfast of scrambled eggs on tomato & cheese :)

xo

reowrr.

dinner with the girls today - was good to catch up over laughs & over eating :) hate that uni has started & that i already have two week's worth of work to catch up on. brother is going for his p's tomorrow, if he gets them i'ma have to invest in buying a new car methinks. um yes. not much else to report, just thought i'd say wassup. wish i was in nz right now :( all them fckrs are over there having fun without me. nana joelynn is half expecting me to pop up as a suprise & i really wish that i could fulfil her wish... doesn't help that mum's prepared to pay for my airfare. so tempting. but i have other things to worry about now like uni, work & ofcourse finances. i mean allgood that mum will pay for the trip over but it's hard to keep up with my family when they go out, $$-wise. you getsss? rather spend it on a worthwhile overseas trip namean. anyways better get to these readings. xo

ghetto superstar

there's been one thing on my mind lately... leaving this place. i don't know where to but i have a few ideas: fiji, peru, maybe hawaii... somewhere that has meaning to me but i'm still unfamiliar with. anyways uni has just started so i'll have to put that dream on hold for a little while at least, seeing as uni = less work = less $$

i've also been inspired to start saving for a car, even though my parents have pretty much given josh & i the civic, i want my OWN car, one that i'd have pulled endless shifts for, one that i've earned all on my own without any help from mummy & daddy. now don't get me wrong i'll be eternally greatful for everything that my parents have provided, but i think it's time to start growing up a little bit more.

at work all day today what's new - well i'm actually spewing because fridays are usually my day off but i had to take cherelle's shift this week for some reason that i don't remember. this week has been pretty boring & i can pretty much sum it up in a few words: work, g&neek, mark, uni. though tonight i'm finally seeing cassandra & steph for the first time in what seems like forever, g'd for that :)

as i've already mentioned, uni has started but i've only been to one lecture... shutup yes i've already got people on my back about it. this weekend i'ma get all my books & whatnot so that once monday comes i'll be ALLGOOD.

dont really use this blog much because i know that the whole world can read it & that makes me uncomfortable. just thought i'd put that out there.

ANYWAYS

adios fuckers xo

STACK THAT CHEESE

GOODNESS ME. highlight of the week/probably month: cassandra's 21st. don't remember much but i know that it was an awesome night. had all the girls there (and i mean ALL. ahem.) & even the 'mr mans' as celica likes to call them lol. the aftermath wasn't pretty though, poor kash had work 1hr after she got home, mark the dramaqueen reckons he had alcohol poisoning, cassandra wasn't sober until two days later & danielle's drive home from work the next day was an extra 50min long thanks to frequent pulling over to throw up. HOWEVER i'm sure we would all agree that it was 100% worth it :)

everything seems so gahh after the big weekend, i've been workingworkingworking (WHAT'S NEW!?!). though i start uni next week, i only have a few classes so i'll still be working in my spare time.

my brother is cooking risotto tonight, yumm!! fingers crossed it turns out edible, then i'm headed off to mark's because the poor baby is sick. pssht hello i was sick twice this winter i don't remember being looked after. but anyways. got a 2hr break 'till i gotta get back to work for some training. eep! better make the most of my oh-so-precious spare time.

love x

wonderful.

back to the daily grind after last week's 2 day throwback. workingworkingworking! at least today i start at midday, gives me time to breath. slept early woke up late, story of my life. well actually that's a lie, because on sunday night i watched 'I Am Legend' with mark and i've been finding it hard to fall asleep since. there's just something about that movie that scares me like 'The Others' doesn't, i think it's the isolation, or the whole 'world is ending/excinction of humans' thing, or maybe that science did it... anyways yerh it scared me.

i remember when i was a little girl & both my grandmas used to live with us, my porpor (mum's mum) used to tickle me before i went to bed & on those nights i used to get such bad dreams. from then on my grandma said, if you laugh too much before you sleep you'll have nightmares. well on sunday night mark found my weakness & tickled me till i had no choice but to kick him in the nuts (omg did i feel the repercussions of that one) & i now i can't help but think that maybe that's got to do with my semi sleepness nights as well.

other than that, things are quite wonderful at the moment. no complaints. work is busy which, though i complain, is better than being quiet with nothing to do. makes my time feel well-spent. cassie's 21st coming up this friday night oodamn, got satday off yessir :) gonna be a funfun night full of drunken rambles & the like. already got my dress so the pre-anticipation of not having anything to wear doesn't exist which is a nice change.

however, someone described me as 'plump' the other day - as a compliment but i didn't find it so. i think i might start walking or something again soon. soon lol.

really feeling this dress, it's 'so lynette' as some would say:

credit: http://lookbook.nu/look/183405-There-is-nothing-as-lucky-as-easy-or-free

xx

sick of being sick.

took another day off work today. didn't win lotto either I'MA BE poor next week.

:(

plus i think my tooth is getting infected stupid antibiotics that have to be taken at awkward hours of the day.

soldiering on

mushi mushi. been a while since i let you all in on the 411 so here goes;

worked like a motherfucker last week & it was tres unpleasant. but that being said i think i've grown accustomed to the whole money-making thing. stayed home today because of my blocked nose & aching body aka the flu, & it sucked not doing anything. a fat paycheck of $450 today won't be matched next week because i took today off & that sorta makes me sad. so today i realised that as much as i loathe work i'm not sure that there would be any other way i'd want to spend my spare time.

but the big weekend was so worth the way i'm feeling now. started on friday, went shopping with stephanie then chilled with her, cassie & kash that night - had dinner & blabla. drove around a bit enjoyed ice cream <3

satday was gerald's big 21st, enjoyable night don't remember much but that's a sure sign that it was a good party :)

monday was yesterday. i worked in the morning that's when i realised i was jacked. too sick to do much so i just stayed in the back room & packed some nursing home medications. knocked off at 1 thank goodness but then rushed to the dentist to get my last wisdom tooth out. what a nightmare! he pulled the crown out after 3 needles but the root broke off while he was yanking away. after much hacking at my gums, drilling of my bone & another needle due to the anaestetic wearing off, they took an xray & decided to leave the root in there as it was too small to worry about removing. wish they had taken that xray beforehand woulda saved a lot of time & freaking out. but anyways it's allgood now, walked out with a swollen gum & a stitch but other than that i'm all gravy. besides the fact that i'm sick.

mark bought us oz lotto tickets today hopefully we'll wake up as millionaires tomorrow! first thing i'm doing is quitting my job haha. one can only dream.

currently reading "Twilight" atm. Stephenie Meyer is great at thinking up stories but she's not so great at telling/writing them. the plot makes up for her lack of colour in her words though :)

last but not least, RIP to the king of pop Michael Jackson. i couldn't believe it when i heard it & it's still a shock. it's sad that it's taken his death for the world to appreciate his music, whereas last week if you had mentioned the name Michael Jackson no doubt there'd be some mention of pedophilia or jacked noses. but regardless of the controversy which i'm sure still hinders on today, he was a great musician who will be very much missed.

that's all i've got for now. have a good week darlings xo

confession;

ugly flaw #1 -

when things don't go my way i hissy fit until they do. & if they don't then i'll hold it against that person for as long as i can before i'm made to let go. people tell me that i need to take it easy & i know this as well but i get so upset when i'm in the moment & it's so hard to get out of. then i find myself picking stupid fights over nothing just because i don't get my way. like the fact that he doesn't have time to see me tonight, or that they'll be late because of traffic, or whatever. i'll get so mad & frustrated & turn into a major bitch & rageragerage! then an hour or so later i'm in this huge mess just because of my little princess attitude that could have easily been avoided if i had just taken it on the chin & not made such a big deal about things.

goodness me.

anyways just thought that i'd let you all know that i can over react, so don't take it too personally. haha, enjoy your weekend lovelies! xo

go go gadget flow

mushi mushi. haven't written in a while it's been quite a busybusy week, started as soon as exams finished NOT that exams weren't busy already! my last one left me feeling very feelgood about things because i was very well prepared for it unlike the other two. anyways i got my hairdid, it's blackblack now & i have my fringe back. not sure if i like the colour it looks too GOTH it's so dark. makes me look pasty!

anyways last weds. most of the girls met up for dinner, it was good to catch up. hadn't seen emmalie especially in agess plus the pasta at pizza hut was yum as :)

thursday night stayed at marks blablabla didn't do much just we watched the footy show & the chipmunks... SO CUTE! theodore <3 lol. friday morning i was so over it, same old shit we fought about trivial things that none of us could really get past, this time we nearly broke up........... but it's allgood now, or at least getting there :) saw 'the hangover' with him last night in la premiere, him & his extravagence lol. anyways it's a funny movie but 'i love you man' is heaps better.

on my lunch break atm. working a hella heap this week, only got friday & sunday off that's no way to enjoy your uni holidays after slaving at the books for 12 weeks! but it'll all be worth it i guess $$$ yessir. plus it's not that bad today it's not too slow but not heaps busy either. just right :) PLUS i got to start at 10, my boss let me have a little sleep in & is also giving me a little early mark, finishing at 5 :)

ohoh & went out with the cousins + cassie & steph on friday night haha talk about blaming things on the alcohol! they all got waaasted because of alberto behind the bar. they kicked on after but i came home because i wasn't in the right state of mind, didn't wanna ruin their night plus i had work the next day. they all seemed to have fun though & i did too :) this weekend will be funfun, got a few 21sts yayy. will get to see people that i haven't seen in ages *ahem* lol.

anywayss i have half an hour left of my break i'm going to do something productive like play bejeweled blitz LOL.

love xo

glycolysis = glucose --> pyruvate

this time tomorrow i'll be freeee! but probably dreading the 8.30am start for work the next day.

going to get my hairdid tomorrow, to the annoyance of kathleen, it took me all afternoon + lots of double-mindedness but i think i've decided to go back to nearly black & i'm gonna try to grow out my layers to a certain extent as well. my hair looks too fluffy atm lol. plus redo my fringe :) thanks kathleen for sitting through my, "should i..." & "i don't know if i should..." LOL

looking forward to dinner with the girls, pizza hutt yumyum! i'm gonna starve myself for the whole day, dying for some of their pasta mm <3

eep i have the gayest work roster for the holidays, i only get 2 full days off how lame, i know i'm gonna absolutely hate it. but oh well what can you do i need the $$, my mum keeps putting me on blast for using the credit card too much oops.

ok going to cram a bit more of the glycolytic pathway into my brain now :) payce

yo.

2nd exam today - now at the halfway mark :) except wednesday's exam is easy peasy because it's on pracs that i aced & the lecturer has practically told us what the questions are going to be soo it should be AG lol. (allgood)

can't wait until wednesday afternoon i'll be freee! for a month at least. will be chilling with my homegirls cassandra & kathleen, steph & celica & anybody else reading this who are worthy of our presence, come along! unsure what we're doing yet but we'll try to accomodate for everyone's needs :) nothing big just a major catch up / chillmatic session.

i'm going to make it my goal to try & make sure that my mama/grandmother is less lonely. i was freaking out about my exam today & was real snappy at her & i've felt bad for it all day. so yes, i think i might dedicate sunday afternoons (at least every second one) to her, or something.

not much else to say atm, things are going pretty sweet :) fingers crossed that i'll pass all my subjects this semester... good luck to all who are still sitting finals & congrats to those who have finished!

next weekend will be a big one, so keep it free girlies :)

xo

i <3 my dad.

in passing;

d: are you still with mark?
l: yes.
d: awkward silence
d: don't lose your dignity.
l: awkward silence
d: dont go chasing after boys. it's meant to be a two way street. remember that
l: awkward silence
l: yep.

uhh, thanks dad :) i'd honestly nearly forgotten.

wishlist.

1. plane ticket to anywhere but here!

peanut butter cups <3

are you living, or are you existing?

for now, i think i'm just watching. :)

-----------------------------------------

i'm munching on a hot fudge chocolate sundae pop tart atm <3

didn't study at all today - just worked in the morning (so cold!) then f.ed around as per usual after my shift. interesting feature of the day: today i was trained in 'pet vitamins' so cute, they have like medicine but for pets, & even 'pawfume' ie. perfume for animals. celica i think your cat would love it!

my tooth is still saw or at least the gum around it, hope that it's not infected...

my beloved cousin who gets me through all my troubles called me up all upset yesterday but when i told her that i'd leave the library to go see her she insisted that i stay & concentrate on my studies argh i hate that. like hello i'm not able to study if i know youre upset. i'm not sure what's wrong she won't answer my calls but i have a feeling it's to do with a certain baby being born...

not like i was studying last night anyways, seeing as i had already talked myself out of it in hopes to see g, i wasn't in the mood to get back into it. ended up finally seeing wolverine with mark thank goodness it's still showing in chatswood mandarin centre :) top movie i'd give it about 7/10. other than that & studying with cassie & steph, i haven't had much of a social life lately :( & i miss it. can't wait till exams are over, duh. that seems like all i've been saying atm i think i should concentrate on actually getting them done instead of wasting all my time daydreaming about when theyll be over. tomorrow the urgency will set in & i'll start to freak out & study like a maniac. i only need 20/50 in the final exam to pass the course so i'm not too fussed but i still gotta get my average up seeing as it's like 30% atm, stupid chemistry.

my brother dropped engineering to major in math, talk about being an asian nerd. lol gotta love him though...

anyways here's a nice note to end on: after uni i'm going to start walking every day. :) skinnier & fitter lynette here i come!

adios lovers xo

ni ho ma.

woke up this morning in need of some clarity & so me being me, i made sure i got it. & though i was the one who initiated things, i'm glad i did because now i can breathe easy knowing that even though it's still a little bit fucked up, it's not over just yet.

didn't do much this weekend as i had a tooth out on friday so i was just hiding from the public pretty much all weekend, it's still swollen but i don't care anymore. was going nuts being stuck inside all day with nothing to do, luckily my girl kathleen stepped up & gave me a bit of her time ;) then chilled with my cousins, well mostly G, for the rest of the weekend. watched twilight, what a weird movie. but i love the way that he loves her, it's so sweet.

anyways happy 52nd to my daddy ! <3 didn't get him anything except a cheap card with a sentimental message written inside, but my dad being him - all he wanted was a family portrait to put up in place of the ones already hanging, which are probably more than 10 years old by now. so here's to a dedication to my father: he always puts the family, esp. my brother & i first (mostly me because im his favourite - my brother is my mum's favourite so it evens out). he'll have our safety & development as his #1 priority, but even so he'll go to the ends of the earth just so that we can sorta feel normal & not miss out on too much. like he'll forbid us to get the train to the west but he'll spend his own time driving us there instead. & though frustrating at times, i know he has our best interests at heart always <3 & for that i'll always love him ever so dearly :)

in other news stephanie is coming over tonight for some light night studying, didn't get much done today except finished up my prac book, which i wasn't able to do last week seeing as i missed the last lab due to illness (i'm not lying this time). i have a few lectures to listen to & whatnot, but im glad i only have 2 more subjects to worry about, seeing as i got the other 2 out of the way by handing in those essays. i have a feeling i'll actually pass everything this semester, which will only be the second time out of my two & a half years (ie. 5 semesters) of uni.

so don't worry celica i've only passed 13 out of 17 subjects at uni (OMG!). youre not alone, don't give up !

good luck to all with their exams & whatnot, definately catch up once theyre over! which is SOON! i can nearly smell the freedom :)

parklife 2009

the cool kids & a trak!
+ crystal castles
metric (remember that song monster hospital? "i fought the war... i fought the war but the war won")
busy p... aka the better half of JUSTICE

etc
etc
etc

yes i am tres excited, and on a bit of a high from all these concepts that i'm trying to get my head around for the essay thats due in 15 hours.

woohoo baby!! xo

mikey rocks.

ok kids so i've been blasting this place with some negativity lately so here's to put a little fresh spin on things,

the other day was my lucky day. firstly, got the questions to a quiz 4 hours before i sat it. infact, everybody in the course did but the ones i talked to were all too pussy shit to look at them, pssht. if youre not smart at least have some balls, i say. then i got change of $20 for my $10.80 meal, for which i only handed over $10 for. then to top it off: free facebook on my phone for three months. as a certain individual would say, niiiiice!

& seems like my luck hasn't run out completely either, because that said certain individual just told me that he would come & see me tomorrow if he's not working. i'll be one wisdom tooth less, guess he wants to do the whole sweet bf thing & come bring me soup LOL. canned soup no doubt but allgood. doesn't sound like a big deal but trust me it is. wouldn't count on it though, but he knows how to get me smiling for the moment at least.

got the whole week off work thanks to public holiday & wisdom teeth surgery, woop! but you know what that means. minimum cash spend. dont need cash anyway just need to study atm.

just woke up to three missed calls from three different people - is something on tonight? too scared to call back i dont like rejecting people but i gotta stay on lockdown tonight & write an essay due in tomorrow.

& so that's all i gotta say atm. if youre looking to put yourself in a feelgood attitude, get some of the cool kids' new tracks. i reconmend 'jump rope' & 'the last stretch'.

xo

expectations.

- they'll be the death of me. the ones that i impose on others, and the ones that are put on me. organising things, it gets a bit annoying when youre asked on tuesday afternoon what your plans are for the weekend. or how about this: if you want to catch up in a group then organise it, don't wait for or ask or expect someone else to do it. i don't like being rushed, nor comitting to something that i probably won't be able to deliver. i'm taking each day as it comes. exams that i have to study for, parties that i have to miss. no special occasion so why should i be there? because i owe it to you? oh so i owe my presence to you, i'm sorry but i was under the impression that it was MY presence, not yours. i can do what i want with it. it's not like in this day & age of a recession comparible to the great depression that we have money that we're able to just throw around on alcohol, drugs, cover charges, cab fares, extravagent dinners, or new clothes. but most importantly, time. it's against me, & i'm sure many others, at the moment. the essay that i have to hand in, the workbook that i have to put together. the exams i have to study for. doing all this plus balancing a social life, a boyfriend who lives 40minutes away, working for financial independance, family commitments, etc etc et fucking cetera. it's all too much, really. & i can't handle it. & i want it to stop. i want to do the best at uni. i want to be able to make my friends happy. i want to be able to show my appreciation for my family. & i want to have money that i can spend on leisure. but it's all a big fat contradiction sometimes, isn't it? the people with enough money to enjoy themselves are usually the ones without the time to do so. and vice versa. so at the end of the day you make priorities. and with a strong heart & my head held high, i'll stick to mine.

le sigh...

things that would make me feel better:

+ essays written

+ soca workbook up to date & ready to be handed in

+ studying accomplished

+ bigger bank account

+ less weight on my hips & thighs

+ him not being so frustrated at me & vice versa

but on a nicer level, something that made me smile; yesterday i was running my mouth factually about my fat ass, like hello i know that my ass is huge. but then marks like are you serious you don't have a big bum there's like hardly anything there. i wasnt even expecting a compliment. & he noticed that i'd done my eyebrows :) haha if only it was that simple all of the time, with everything.

to do list;

for when i have time & money..
+ hair did: re-colour & redo layers / fringe
+ shop & get some winter clothes
+ redo bedroom deco
+ get wasted
+ have a fuckn good peak

mushi mushi

...so i picked to have sushi train last night cos my quote of the week has been MUSHI MUSHI!! but they didn't say it. they were all just like HI HELLO HI HELLO HELLO HELLO HI. eh everything is becoming so westernised.

closing time.

stayed up last night trying to study - got a bit done but not enough. blablabla story of my life atm: not enough!! do this do that, finish this start that, woahh easyy. luckily there's only 3 more weeks of uni otherwise i'd be going insane. feels like it's just begun im still tryna get my head around so many of the concepts that ive been learning about. i can't handle it. so next session it should be a little easier, dropping down to three subjects & gonna space my degree over an extra year. only downside is that i'm doing stupid chemistry, one that i've already failed & hate with a passion. we'll see how it goes. all ive done this week is uni, work, uni work. saw cassie for a brief moment on monday that was good, & if it wasnt for cherelles company yesterday i'd be in a mental asylum right now. work was ok didn't puke thank fuck, but still not feeling 100%. exam tomorrow on fatty acid synthesis should be easy if i learn the work in time. thing is that i have a secret that not many other students do & that's why i'm in the top 5%. haa!! suck shit to all my ex lab partners who thought i was stupid. maybe i am but at least i can hide it well. i wonder if he'll take me to finally see wolverine tomorrow, but seeing him is good enough i miss the fuckerr. & my girls, who i'll hopefully see most of them on satday night? not too keen on getting dressed up & killer heels & cold weather & late night & money spent, etc. but well worth it for the catch up. it's ok to spoil myself once in a while. just that once in a while has been every single day for me lately. my biggest weakness: giving into the temptation of procrastination. help! ok back to ilectures. oops the secret is out.

don't sway.

boring day; stayed up till 1am just like the previous night, tryna reiterate evil & God's existence over 2500 words. 7am starts arent as bad as they used to be though, sad to say but i think my body is getting used to it. blablabla feels like a waste of a day though coulda caught up on study or done some readings, thing about me now is if a day isnt productive then hell with you. & fair enough i guess, keeps me on my toes. gotta get my hairdid as well aye kathleen, definately gna go back to black no double thoughts about that, redo my layers as well as my fringe. look at me acting & talking like i have a moneytree in the backyard, if only mark was good at that sort of gardening. speaking of the fool he asked for new shoes again tonight, yes i get it you want new shoes.. but $180 is a bit much for a 4 month relationship when i'm this tight on money as it is. dont get me wrong i'd love to spoil him but we'll have to see if he deserves it, give it another week or two & he might actually be rocking some bearable sneaks on our exciting trips to the takeaway store. haha nah jokes, slack. anyways should cram at least one lecture in before i call it a night. here's a nice note to end on: i love my mama :)

xo

just live your life

realisation; i'm a bitch. hardout, straight up & in your face bitch. queen bee. want everything my way or no way.

declaration; as of this moment you can have a bit more much needed space. didnt mean to smother you with my expectations.

so in other news; since when did uni get so hard? oh wait - it always has been. honestly though you think that youve left the hard shit behind when you graduate from high school & complete your hsc but then boom motherfucker.. 2500 word essays on the existence of God? help. group presentations with your group forgetting you until 1am the morning its due & slotting you in to say one sentence, puhlease. the only thing getting me through atm is the doctor's certificate sitting in my scanner.. it bought me about 3 days of sleep. weekend was average same old, stayed in sick on friday night, listened to parents fighting on satday morning then took off to mark's smelly room. apparently caused by my peeing on the carpet HAHA funny shit. hissy fitted & fought the night away, blablabla allgood now though that chapter is DONE, or in his word thats the end of that story. it'll be better i promise.

so excited for the snow! found a 5 bedroom house for 5 couples yes you all get your intimacy so rest assured. only problem is getting there - 8 hour drive with only two drivers? hmm we'll figure it out.

xo